my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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