on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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