Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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