Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
