man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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