all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
