So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
