her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the day after is always just damage control
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
