i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
