the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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