I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
