About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
