So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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