What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
