If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
