I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
