fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
