Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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