I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
