we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
