I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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