I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
