Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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