Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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