I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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