lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
