yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
