I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
