If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
