I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
