our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
