the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
