Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
