This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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