And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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