based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
