I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
