I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
