There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My dick has a subreddit
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
