i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just pee around me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
