Hey man sorry I got all grabby
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
