And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
