did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
