Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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