I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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