I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
