So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Randomize
