If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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