I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
