totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
