I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
