So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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