I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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