i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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