Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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