My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
