Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
