she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
