i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
