I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
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On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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