my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
