Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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