3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
