Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
