you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
