my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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