Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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