Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
