Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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