haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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