No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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