You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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