at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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