i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
