fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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