No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
