big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
